if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
