i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
