if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I touched a dick in church today
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize