omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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