Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
