Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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