The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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