Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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