she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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