I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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