I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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