These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
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these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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