I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
