Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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