Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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