I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Are my feet made of real feet?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
