Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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