You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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