Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
