I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
