I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
