Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
