Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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