he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
