wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
