my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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