why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
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My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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