what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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