somebody snuck up and got me drunk
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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