oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man