Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.