remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?