Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
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Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
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Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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