What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
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Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
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Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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