watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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