so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
