I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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