I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
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let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
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On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.