I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...