don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Wipe that smile off your face.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend