Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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