There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
