There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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