Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
