Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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