guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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