the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
