You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
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We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
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Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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