I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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