He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
