Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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