Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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