ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
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