So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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