You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
