she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
